Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
operation harelip BJ is a go
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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