The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
