I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
