My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
