My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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