i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
