gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
