mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
