Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
