wrigley field is MILF paradise
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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