He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
