My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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