I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
