We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
