I'm gonna have a badass scar
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
