I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
