I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
