I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
