need another drink. this is the easiest way
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
