it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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