PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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