Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
