you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he was CRYING into my vagina
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
