Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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