dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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