is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
