Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
