I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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