So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
