he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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