I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I could fuck to npr.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
