i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
