She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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