She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
