worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
