i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
