he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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