I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
