his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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