You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
