I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
