Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
