I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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