Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have post one night stand depression
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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