Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
