I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
