Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
