just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
