So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
