did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
