apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
