shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
