Jerry, you need to find god
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
