yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
